My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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