Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
