My hand turned me down
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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