shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i barfeds in our rink
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i wish my penis had a tongue
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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