i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
