and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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