i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
