your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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