I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
