my mouth tastes like poor choices
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
