I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
