I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
