New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
