There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
