I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
