apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The uberlube is also flammable
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
