I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
