Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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