is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
