we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
