We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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