Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
