You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
