Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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