so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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