$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
