He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
