my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
