Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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