All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
