I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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