needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
