5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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