i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
