Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
