All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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