His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
