Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
