ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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