The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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