i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
