Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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