im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
