How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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