Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
