I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we made out on top of his cat.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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