Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
