Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
