I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
