and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
