Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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